Sunday, January 28, 2007

Coach's Ex-Wife

So I'm pretty sure Coach had another marriage before he eventually got married to Christine. That would have made this woman Kelly's mom, I'm fairly certain. I think it was one of those things where she probably only showed up in a couple episodes a season and did nothing but make sarcastic one-liners, most of which were subtle double-entendres about Coach's masculinity, sexual prowess, or parenting skills. Also probably she made jokes about some time that Coach totally screwed up in football. I seem to remember that she was also usually drinking some kind of sassy chick drink in a martini glass; like maybe a Cosmopolitan or something but I don't know if Cosmopolitans had even been invented yet.

Episodes that she was in were probably some of the more formulaic. I think like, Coach would be sitting in his office with Luther and Dauber and someone would bring up that Coach's ex-wife (I don't remember her name) was in town and then Coach made some joke where he compared his ex-wife to a witch or something. Then maybe Kelly came in to the office and talked about whatever it was they were going to do while she was visiting. Then I think Coach would make some other joke that was maybe a little less overt and then Kelly would be all: "Daddy, I know you and Mom don't blah blah blah but can you please try to blah blah blah blah. For me? Please?" And Coach would grudgingly say that he'll try. Shortly after this conversation Coach's ex-wife would come in and they'd greet each other by their first names or maybe even Coach would use that opportunity to make another joke at his ex-wife's expense. She would then counter with something like: "I see you still [some kind of negative spin on Coach's current life.]" Then Coach would maybe start to say something that clearly would have been an awesome comeback but Kelly would say, "Daddy..." and then look at him all smug.

I think she had sort of dark reddish hair.


Blogger Chuck said...

Hey, because of vandalism and spam, I've had to make the comments a little bit more closed. Apologies to anybody who has something really important to say about Coach but whose posting is contingent upon anonymity; it may take a little while for your comments to show up.

1/28/2007 2:46 PM  
Blogger WindWhisperer said...

Did this show really exist? I vaguely remember something about it. I think it was a boring show, if I remember correctly. The coach was a blonde single father or something like that.

2/01/2007 10:47 AM  
Blogger R2K said...

: )

2/01/2007 11:47 AM  
Anonymous johnny said...

I, too, was not a fan of "Coach" nor do I recall much about it in the way of details. What's your guess as to how many years it was on the air? By my vague recollection of the show's inexplicable ubiquitousness, I'm going to say 37.

2/01/2007 4:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The coach Lost me on this one am so clueless with all the "shes" so what happened in the end?!?

2/01/2007 8:54 PM  
Anonymous BP Dahal said...

Interesting blog. I will keep on visiting your blog site.

2/02/2007 1:12 AM  
Blogger JNM said...

Coach Rocks, what a cool show. It has now become one of my new (classic) favorites.

Cool blog, keep posting.


2/02/2007 6:02 AM  
Blogger Liz D. said...

I thought this was about Coach purses. I'm such a girl. "Coach" was a cute show (loved Dauber) and since you pretty much state that you weren't a huge fan, making it an odd choice for your blog, I have to admit I'm hooked. I'll be checking back just to see what you have to say as you rediscover it. Have fun. :)

2/02/2007 7:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure there's this one episode where Rob Schneider plays a nerd or something who wants to play football for some reason (maybe he likes a cheerleader or maybe something else) and Coach hell of makes fun of him when he comes in. There might even be a build up where Coach's secretary says something like "Coach, there's a new recruit here to see you and he thinks he'd be the perfect person to replace Johnny McQuarterback (maybe the star QB got injured and Rob Schneider was stepping in out of school spirit) and Coach and Luther get all pumped up but then Rob Schneider walks in and they're all like "Where's the new prospect?" and then when he says it's him, they do something mean like saying "we already have a waterboy!" and Dauber laughs.

I don't think he ever played but I think Coach's wife or daughter taught him how to be cool or maybe tricked him into thinking he was cool because he tried or maybe convinced him of something else.
John Rote

2/02/2007 8:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For a show about football, it sure seems like there were a great deal of pivitol roles for women. Too bad I wasn't an actress back then. I could have been hella famous.

2/02/2007 10:36 AM  
Blogger Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Kelly was a major whiner and I always wished Coach would just tell her to shut up.

Love the blog, by the way. My favorite episode of "Coach" is the one they show in the movie The Pelican Brief, where John Heard is shot by the assassin in his hotel room. Jerry Van Dyke gets a lovely spray of John Heard's blood.

2/02/2007 12:08 PM  
Blogger michaela said...

I once watched Coach late at night in some fever-induced stupor which prevented me from sleep. Can't say I could follow what was going on which concerns me. From what I remember, I can’t believe it lasted as long as it did.

Coach aside, I somehow still like your blog.

2/02/2007 1:05 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

I am very impressed with your hazy knowledge of a terrible television show. Might I suggest you sort of recall the '95 season, wherein Craig T. Nelson (Coach) went to the NFL.

Was that a question? Anyway, it has interesting parallels with the movie "Major League" and also the sequels of "Major League," but not the last "Major League" with Scott Bakula (the guy from Quantum Leap).

Thank you for your contribution to humanity.

2/03/2007 10:09 AM  
Blogger CoralPoetry said...


I don't know "Coach" but I have red hair.

Have you found that being prolific makes no difference to the amount of time that readers spend at your blog? Most readers are spending 30 seconds at the first page, so it wouldn't matter if the archives were complete gobbledegook.


2/03/2007 1:41 PM  
Blogger Vlad said...

I think coach is awesome!

2/04/2007 10:31 PM  
Blogger East of Oregon said...

loved the show, interesting blog:)

2/05/2007 8:00 AM  
Blogger Diana said...

I thought Coach was OK for awhile, but it didn't take long before it was off the air.


2/05/2007 8:38 AM  
Blogger endofmyrope said...

Hi, This is a great blog. I'm not a fan of Coach either. I vaguely remember the show. It was about some old guy who was a coach. Wasn't Coach a spin-off of some other show? I can't remember.

2/05/2007 3:31 PM  
Blogger pumpkinstrokemarrow said...

Pleased to see that not all blogs feel to need to call in the arty people and are content to have a bit of text.

2/05/2007 4:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

★Chuck Is this your story?

2/06/2007 4:56 AM  
Anonymous FANCY said...

Hi' Coach!

I have to say that I dont have clu about what you are writing about here...*LOL*...


2/07/2007 3:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amazing site but you don't talk about cats much. You do know I hate them? Right?

2/09/2007 9:07 PM  
Blogger Mystery said...

Never was a fan...

2/10/2007 1:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Chuck Is this about you!?? ☆★☆

2/11/2007 6:25 AM  
Blogger Yours Truly said...

I vaguely remember that show. I decided to not watch programmed TV 7 years ago. After reading your blog, I know that was the best decision I ever made.

2/11/2007 2:55 PM  
Blogger Bones said...

dude he was TOTALLY married. he used to refer to his ex in the early years.

2/12/2007 1:40 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

Your blog is flippin' genius. I have to admit, I actually like "Coach," but it's almost funnier through your perspective. Almost.

2/12/2007 3:27 PM  
Blogger Fredo Teabaggins said...

I think, sometimes, when I shave, that I look like Craig T. Nelson. I guess some guys have all the luck!

2/13/2007 12:13 AM  

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