Sunday, January 28, 2007

Coach's Ex-Wife

So I'm pretty sure Coach had another marriage before he eventually got married to Christine. That would have made this woman Kelly's mom, I'm fairly certain. I think it was one of those things where she probably only showed up in a couple episodes a season and did nothing but make sarcastic one-liners, most of which were subtle double-entendres about Coach's masculinity, sexual prowess, or parenting skills. Also probably she made jokes about some time that Coach totally screwed up in football. I seem to remember that she was also usually drinking some kind of sassy chick drink in a martini glass; like maybe a Cosmopolitan or something but I don't know if Cosmopolitans had even been invented yet.

Episodes that she was in were probably some of the more formulaic. I think like, Coach would be sitting in his office with Luther and Dauber and someone would bring up that Coach's ex-wife (I don't remember her name) was in town and then Coach made some joke where he compared his ex-wife to a witch or something. Then maybe Kelly came in to the office and talked about whatever it was they were going to do while she was visiting. Then I think Coach would make some other joke that was maybe a little less overt and then Kelly would be all: "Daddy, I know you and Mom don't blah blah blah but can you please try to blah blah blah blah. For me? Please?" And Coach would grudgingly say that he'll try. Shortly after this conversation Coach's ex-wife would come in and they'd greet each other by their first names or maybe even Coach would use that opportunity to make another joke at his ex-wife's expense. She would then counter with something like: "I see you still [some kind of negative spin on Coach's current life.]" Then Coach would maybe start to say something that clearly would have been an awesome comeback but Kelly would say, "Daddy..." and then look at him all smug.

I think she had sort of dark reddish hair.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Happy New Year!

The Coach Blog would like to wish a very happy New Year to all of you. Even if I don't know you, I hope that your new year is happy.

I have been racking my brain trying to remember if there was ever an episode of Coach that took place during the holiday season. I have a very vague memory of Luther dressing up like Santa Claus, but that might just as well be a fake memory I invented.

I wonder what Coach was like during the holidays. I can't remember if he was like, maybe all jolly or else totally a jerk and always talked about how he didn't like Christmas (I assume he was Christian, though he probably didn't take it too seriously, at least not enough to alienate any viewers). I think maybe he even went on some monologue about why he doesn't like Christmas and then Kelly was like: "Daddy, Christmas is a time blah blah blah," and then Coach made some joke afterwards. Like, "I thought Christmas was a time for [spending money or something]". Then the audience laughed, but not really because they agreed about the frivolity/commercialization of Christmas so much as the joke was well timed and took advantage of parallel construction.

I think then probably Coach learned a lesson about the meaning of Christmas or something.